Over ambitie I

Good morning from a riverside bench along the Meuse in Maastricht.

I’m not feeling particularly inspired this morning, but Michel Delpech is in my ears and I feel handsome in some fine clothes.

The wind blows, though not too forcefully, and I watch the boats go by and the ducks diving under the water for sweet sustenance.

I have a class in just less than an hour, which is mandatory, and that frustrates me because I just want to get it out of the way and get on with work and my life today.

Last night I had some sort of vaguely enlightening debate slash therapy session slash discussion about these feelings with Alex and June, my best mate and my neighbour, respectively. June is from China, and has quite a different upbringing and world view to that of mine.

We spoke of lots, and followed each others tails, and our own, rather often. However, there was a particular discussion about ambition that we had which opened my eyes to my personal experience and philosophy with ambition in a different way than before.

I think that the great ambition that I have leads me to do things that most 19 year olds haven’t or won’t, and yet it also keeps me in an inevitable and ceaseless cycle of dissatisfaction.

I am not necessarily chasing great luxuries- I don’t worry so much about a house or a car (but I recognise that those are nice things!), but even small luxuries like the ability to have a cappuccino or a nice meal once a week with friends are things that I cannot grasp at the moment… but am I just being entitled?

AJR - Maastricht, 2025