Looking back on 2022 - Annus Spei

[Disclaimer: This article was written when I was 17 years old. It represents where I come from, but opinions mentioned may no longer be representative of my current situation. My motivations for sharing this are to remember how far I’ve come, show the world that I’ve been working on things for a long time and have meaningful experience outside of academia, and showcase my determination for success.

Some details have been removed or changed for privacy reasons.]

2022… where to begin?

I’ll try not to write this like a school leavers letter, but I’m truly not sure if I should be excited or fearful to leave this year behind!

Two thousand and twenty-two, the greatest year of my life as yet!

I’ll first tell some stories, and then leave you with some wisdom that I have gained over this year.

At the beginning of this year I was all but lost. I was holding on to negative thoughts and experiences from the year prior, and my mindset and optimism towards life was terrible. Things didn’t seem to be improving, and for much of the early months of 2022, I was growing into a lonely, bitter, miserable person. My family did not like my decline either, and often commented on how miserable I was all of the time which only dragged my mood down more. I had some good days, like for Mum’s birthday and the odd moment of joy while I was with my friends (whom I thought had all had enough of my self-pity too) and I reached a low point in my mental health.

In April, this all changed. After many nights of going into Mum and Dad’s bedroom to watch the sunset and observe the cars go by whilst listening to music, I’d found a way to relax and be with my thoughts again. The news and my failures to achieve many of my goals had exacerbated my depression, but I finally had some enjoyable way to consider what I was doing wrong and how I could fix things. I didn’t need anybody else to tell me what to do or how to do it- I just figured it out.

In early-mid April I purchased a Kindle, Audible and many popular self-help and fiction books. Reading became my new escape. I learned lots about psychology, managing my feelings and controlling my actions to become a better person. George Orwell also put me in a funny mood about society for a few weeks!

My exams were coming up and it is safe to say that I was fearful. I revised so much, I sacrificed so much of my time to do well and I was not going to let anything stop me. I started waking up at 5:30 every morning, working out, doing Yoga, meditating, reading, going to school and studying. My social life was almost non-existent, but I loved how I was feeling. Spring really breathed new life into me, and since I had started working in January I had saved enough money to buy lots of things for myself and others, which made me happy. Eventually my spending habits would mostly become giving to others, which is something that I hope to maintain but scale back in 2023. I do what I can for others, but I’m still broke, so philanthropy should perhaps come later.

My exams passed in a flash and I honestly cannot remember much about them. I was very happy with my life and how I was feeling. I never felt stressed or worried about anything anymore because I was just so relieved that school, one of the things that really fueled the anguish I had felt for the past two years, was finally over. It was bittersweet though, I do miss seeing my friends, and the yeargroup that we all had was so fantastic and kind to each other, just a wonderful group of people. At the time I was very generous to my teachers, and I spent far too much money on gifts for them. In hindsight, I think it would have been better to simply give a small gift and a thanks, because it affected me financially and I have not truly received much from my investment.

I felt like a king riding out of Hall Mead’s gates on the 23rd of June after my Physics exam. The sun was shining, the weather was warm, people were happy, and I was listening to Philadelphia Freedom- Elton John. The song had been in my head for about a week after it played as the credits on a TV show that my parents were watching when I happened to walk downstairs. I cannot describe to you the great exaltation that I felt as the wind flowed through my hair and the union flags flapped (left over from the Queen’s Jubilee celebrations).

July was only semi-eventful. I worked at Le Moulin for the entire month. Nigh on every single day. Which was great for my wallet, and I got into a certain swing of work, but I didn’t feel entirely happy with my position- a recurring theme when it comes to working in a mostly unfulfilling job under somebody else’s command. Despite Hélène being an excellent and generous boss (truly I have no complaints) I had sacrificed the entire month of 35-40 degree (celcius) days to work my ass off in a job that I did not truly wish to be in.

August, however, made up for this by a country mile. The greatest holiday of my life, the longest, most-adventure packed and joyous holiday changed the entire course of the year. I cannot describe to you how the 26-ish days in August that I spent in North America have changed my life. I’m happier, more optimistic for the future, more knowledgeable, and just overall a better person. I won’t go into any level of detail, you can read my complete first-hand account of our travels in the diary I wrote at the time. It kicked off a writing habit which I rather enjoy to this day. Though not a perfect account of each day (and it fell off towards the end of the month) I mostly kept up to writing about my experiences during the time.

New York city was a recurring theme throughout the year, in fact. I was so gladly obsessed with this new dream of getting away to America. After I had been there on holiday, I absolutely fell in love with the city and a new passion -a new life goal- was discovered. So much so, that Native New Yorker-Odyssey was the song that I listened to the most this year, and I’m grateful for that. As a matter of fact, many of the top songs that I streamed this year were about New York! Fingers crossed I’ll make it there soon. New York is for my 20’s, I believe. I’ll leave university and fly away to get rich(er) and live like Casey Neistat before I settle down in my 30’s.

Speaking of Casey Neistat, he is my man of the year 2022. What an inspiration that he has been to me, truly lifting my spirits and fuelling a fire in me to get moving and start creating things for the benefit of myself and the world.

The best book that I read this year (of 14) was Atomic Habits-James Clear, which absolutely changed my life and kicked my work and motivation into overdrive.

When September came I was not upset that I had to return to school. I was not excited per-se, but my newfound optimism and joy for life had kept me on a path of growth. I think the fact that I was going to college (which was of course a new experience) helped me. I hated the first few days of college. I thought that I stuck out like a sore thumb. I’m glad that I stayed though. The management of the school is utterly terrible, my classes are a complete waste of time and every time I attend I can’t help but think of all of the more useful things that I could be doing. I knew what I was getting into when I went to a school with such a notorious reputation. In a strange way this motivated me though.

Being with and interacting with many people from a variety of more and less fortunate backgrounds has changed my perception of the world. I haven’t made many new friends, but I have enough people to keep me sane and prevent me from rotting entirely.

The benefit of college far outweighs the daily struggle that I endure being there though. The extra free time to develop myself and hone my skills will give me an advantage over my friends and peers (most of whom attend outstanding state or private schools).

There is some resentment or self-pity that I feel when it comes to this fact, but not having to be at school eight hours a day has been vastly beneficial to my mental health and allowed me to hit my seasonal depression (which I’d accurately predicted) so fucking hard that it didn’t have the capacity to get back up. Despite September-December being mostly uneventful, mundane and frustrating months (the economy is in shambles, the Queen died, global politics depresses me) I have ridden the wave of August highs, music and writing to kill my anguish on the spot.

Music has saved my life. This year I’ve been tracking my listening habits each day as a sort of social experiment. It has worked spectacularly, despite a few hiccups which I managed to repair. Next year I’ll refine my method to ensure that it works even better. The playlist is incredibly interesting, and I’ll explain it all to you in a future article on my website, alexanderrawle.com!

I’m running out of time to finish this letter, time is truly fleeting from this year.

Here’s some honourable mentions so I don’t forget what happened!!!

Eton College trip (5 days during July) – Ask Ben about this

London to Brighton Cycle (September 11th -never forget-) – Ask James for more info

October in Nederland – Ask Hidde, Wis, & family with special thanks to Dad for getting me there. On the plane by myself home I only wish that I could have stayed for longer.

I’ll try to write more about these experiences later, but time really wears away at memories. In the future I’d like to create detailed accounts of things like this to ensure that I never forget. Time is always a limitation though.

The song of the year is Bennie and the Jets- Elton John. It was the first song that I listened to in 2022 after a week of jamming to Elton’s Goodbye Yellow Brick Road album. It felt right for some reason at the time, and I think it’s a nice cyclical structure that I’ll make it the final song of 2022 too. It wraps the year up nicely.

I can’t choose a favourite person of the year, since I’ve made so many wonderful connections with many of my friends, but Wisse, Hidde, Nathaniel, Ben and James have been particularly excellent people this time round, so thanks to them all!

In 2023 I’d like to finally start working out regularly again (something which I’ve struggled to keep consistent this year) and keep improving myself generally. Read more. Study more. Work more (but for myself) and raise at least £1000 for charity. And document it all! Keep dreaming Alex, you got this!

I’m unfortunately very short of time and must go now, but I think I covered most of the topics that I wanted to. Here’s to a positive, happy, safe and prosperous 2023! слава україні, Merci pour tout y hasta la vista, baby.

Summit or bust.

So with little left to say but to sign off,

See ya ‘round 2022, and thanks for the ride,

Your friend,

–Alexander Rawle, London, 31.12.22