Last Christmas (Letter to 19)

[Disclaimer: This article was written when I was 18. It represents where I come from, but opinions mentioned may no longer be representative of my current situation. My motivations for sharing this are to remember how far I’ve come, show the world that I’ve been working on things for a long time and have meaningful experience outside of academia, and showcase my determination for success.

Some details have been removed or changed for privacy reasons.

Something interesting about this one, is that it still feels so close to me, and yet I am such a different person, and I have done so much more since writing this. The building blocks were there!]

Dear Alex,

It’s been another year.

Apologies that I’m rather late in writing this, especially as I’m usually pretty on the ball when it comes to these things.

The past few days have been pretty nasty for me. I really thought I had everything finally falling into place. I really thought that I was going to be happy. Then I really got caught up in life. This is something that I must change. This letter is about a call to life. A call to action. A push for change. New lessons from another year spinning around the sun.

Last Christmas you made yourself some goals. A big list in Notion with an outline of everything that you wanted to do this year. You’ve lost track of most of them. Fix it.

How do I suggest you fix it?

Do what everybody is telling you. Always.

Slow the fuck down.

Learn to appreciate the moment. There are hints of it here already, you just have to find it in yourself to take a step back sometimes and smile. Learn that the world isn’t over if you make a mistake or you’re rejected or something doesn’t go your way. Not everything is in your control.

These are things you know, Alex. These are things that you’ve put into practice before. So do better.

Be kind to yourself. Things aren’t always going to be perfect.

And, for the love of God, stop fucking moaning about every little thing when you’re around your friends. It’s not fun. You are not fun to be around when you do that shit.

Also, chill out on the swearing a little bit please mate.

You have been going so fast. You have reinvented yourself fifty thousand times (and just this year!!!). Find your north. Mark your compass points, and fly.

Nobody gets this right the first time. Nevertheless, we only get one shot at this “life” thing, so why not do your best? Tal como te dijo Fabián: “La vida es un tango, y hay que saberla bailar.”

Oh, and Marjelle sent you a beautiful message this morning. This is what hit me most:

“Het leven is een feestje, maar je moet wel zelf de slingers ophangen!”

Something that I have believed for a while that I think might come in handy for you. Nevertheless, it seems hard to me to find the friends who really care. If I do too much I cannot truly grasp whether they truly like me or if they are doing things with me merely because I am offering and they have nothing better to do.

Life is a balancing act, and I hope that this is something you’ll be better than me at. It won’t be easy. If you need to, you can cry. It’s okay to cry. I only cried once.

Some things you need to work on this year that I’ve been especially shit at:

• Being on time.

• Being present.

• Choosing the right things to care about/dedicate my time to (don’t forget your study because something more exciting comes along!)

• Saving money.

• Laughing.

Tell me when you finally find the people that make you laugh. I thought I did. I felt pure joy. Lord, maybe I will, but I am so hurt now.

Anyway mate, I’d love to stay, but time is knocking on.

You got this. I love you.

Keep doing what is right. You know what is right. Follow your soul.

See you at Christmas, where I hope that you’ll have some happier news for me. I have to say that after all this ranting, I don’t think I’ve done too bad a job. Perhaps I should give myself more credit. I’m ready to go now though, the reigns are all yours. Fix my mistakes, but don’t blame me, for I am but a boy. And smile. Go and make yourself proud.

Godspeed.

A RAWLE | MAASTRICHT | 15/10/2024